Partner Not Sharing, No Desire to Share

A barrier to effective communication we teach and discuss is partner not sharing, no desire to share. I find this particular barrier especially relevant to the holiday season when some rather have the illusion of peace and silence instead of authentically expressing themselves. When we decide not to share with our partner, we choose to allow an uncomfortable awkwardness and emotional, mental, and spiritual distance to develop. The longer we decide not to share whether it’s out of fear or in order to merely avoid problems, conflict, and or chaos, it means we are actively choosing to remain in our current state rather than rectify and solve the issues that need remedy, both for our partner and ourselves.

Although it can feel uncomfortable, the best way to resolve a state of limbo of unexpressed ideas, thoughts, and emotions is to address your partner. You may have fears in doing so and prefer the illusion of peace while not addressing what requires your attention. However, you are only doing yourself and your partner a disservice.

It can be difficult to address your partner when your ego is rattled and you feel your partner should be the one to confront you. However, you should say something because YOU want to stay something and YOU don’t like the current state of things. We don’t need to wait on our partner to express ourselves or feel we need to censor or filter our authenticity to satisfy an illusion.

Below are some self-reflection questions to ponder while awaiting the courage:

1. Do I like the current atmosphere between my partner and myself?

2. Do I feel sharing my feelings and thoughts will make things worse or better?

3. Do I feel that it is ultimately better not to share because I like the illusion of peace?

4. Is confronting my partner worth the extra chaos and or conflict that could ensue?

5. Will I feel an emotional release if I share that will benefit me?

6. Is a better partnership and better effective communication with my partner worth any brief struggles?

7. Do I love myself and want my voice to be heard?

8. Do I love my partner and want him/her to know my authentic self?

Ultimately, the only person who can decide to share is you. If you decide to share information with your partner that represents your authentic thoughts and feelings, you are doing it for you. Although a better partnership and more effective dialogue will be subsequent rewards, it’s because you value yourself and you want to be heard and not silenced. It is always important to express our voice, especially with the person we love the most. Set aside your ego and fears and speak from the heart.

-Jaclyn